7/17/2018 Very Much Myself

I am just here reading, looking up, and being very much myself. How is your week going so far? I am still cleaning my room, working on myself, making plans, and loading my quiver with arrows, as JBP would say.

I had one Skype interview Monday, and it was awkward. I never know how to act around people, even face to face I am so weird. But I made it through, and it was good. I am just feeling so stagnant in my work anymore, that if I don’t do something soon I am afraid I will dry up and turn into some of the people that I fear are lost at work. Call it burnout, call it boredom, but what they have, I do not want. I just want to be whatever happy is, and feel some kind of fulfillment and joy in my work. I used to, I think, I still do sometimes. Anyhow, I had an interview last week too. It’s a very odd thing, doing this stuff at 34. I feel like I should totally be settled in my work by now, but I guess we are an ever changing species; evolving and molding ourselves into whatever we need to be to fit. I am still the same I think as I have always been, no matter what others may think. I am just more aware of things that I have let elude me for so long, at work, at home, and in life. I need something to change, so work seems to be the first thing I can tackle. I read someplace that we are too comfortable, maybe I agree. As long as you are uncomfortable, maybe that means you are growing. I had a long talk about work with on of my friends who is in a leadership role, and she gave me some really good advice. She told me to keep pushing for more, and if they won’t give you more, then find someone who will.

We are all searching for our own version of happy. It’s very meaning is so questionable, that I feel like the answer will continue to elude us all. I thought I knew happy, but then I grew up. What’s your happy? I really love Queso and Shrimp, and since I can’t eat shrimp right now, I’ll find some happy in Queso.

​I am reading Atonement, by Ian McEwan. I am almost finished and it has been wonderful. You should really give it a go. This quote, well it’s wonderful.

​Don’t forget to lookup tonight.