What I have had to say this week, about anything, I have almost absolutely regretted as soon as the words left my head/mouth/fingers. I have felt like Kathleen Kelley in “You’ve Got Mail” again, all week long; saying the things, because of some damn unsung need to, then suffering from the melancholy of the saying it, afterwards. We all need to be and act like adults, and really have adult conversations, but Jesus, there is no delete button in reality. I wish like hell there was. I keep thinking I need to re-read that Peterson book again, and again, and again, and again. We are all self-destructive snowflakes in our own way.
Sheila’s book is coming to a swift end, and so is my editing assistance, and it is bittersweet. Most endings to everything in life are bittersweet honey (I like saying that). This book is going to be a wonderful book when others finally get to read it. I am happy to have been a part of it, and thankful to call Sheila my friend.
I finished “Eleanor and Park” (blog post below this one) and now I am reading “1984” by George Orwell. I just started chapter 3 last night. There is a lot of Winston and O’Brien talking doublethink. O’Brien certainly seems to care for Winston, but maybe not in a very good way or with good intentions. There is a line here that caught me off guard when I read it. I was a little drunk on beer and too much queso when I read it, but it was a good line nonetheless:
“Do you remember writing in your diary,' he said, 'that it did not matter whether I was a friend or an enemy, since I was at least a person who understood you and could be talked to? You were right. I enjoy talking to you. Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind except that you happen to be insane.”
Even though the context of the conversation does not match my context, I think we all need someone to talk to like that, a person who understands us or thinks like us. O’Brien certainly seemed to understand Winston, but his obsession with his thought manipulation was very odd. I have to say that I have had a hard time getting through this book, not only because it is horrifyingly prophetical, but also because I feel like it’s not really what I want to be reading right now, but….that’s okay too. I will finish it.
My “to read” stack keeps getting smaller, and I keep putting off the urge to hit the checkout button on Amazon. So, I am going to drive myself to the bookstore today, like a big girl, and buy some books. Then maybe sit alone in Panera, eat pastries, and read. I like the sound of the eating pastries part.