2/9/2018 Vonnegut Self Care and Turtles

Sheila has stopped sending me chapters to edit for now. She says because she is working on perfecting chapters 1-9, but I think it’s because she is enjoying her life on the lake way too much. Her hubby travels for his job, so she gets to sit back and write all day like a kept woman, but that’s okay too. It gives me something to do, when she is sending me chapters to edit. *hint Sheila, for when you read this*

She promises me that when her book is published, that I will be able to quit my job and travel around to book signings with her; and bring her coffee and tea. I will not hold her to this, as I think Doug (her hubby) may have something to say about me hanging around all the time. I feel like I would be good for a laugh, so maybe they will let me tag along a time or two. I will stay optimistic about this whole situation.

I finished that wonderful Vonnegut on Tuesday and was a little bit sad about it. I may have enjoyed it as much as Player Piano. I thought that my favorite short story from the whole book was its namesake, but after reading the entire book, I got hung on “Long Walk To Forever”.

The two main characters are Newt and Catherine. Newt had gone AWOL from the military, so that he would be able to come home and see Catherine one last time, before she marries Henry, her new love. Newts request, when he shows up at her door is, “Could you come for a walk?”. I will admit, that after reading some of the other short stories in the book, I thought this one was about to go in a different direction. I was thinking he was going to go a bit crazy and take her “through leaves and over bridges”, and murder her or something like that. Turns out, he just wanted to take a walk, and tell her how he felt about her. I actually read this entire short story out loud to a friend too.

She asked me to read my favorite story out loud to her. You know what, I haven’t done that in a very long time. I always read out loud to my kids before they learned to read, but never to another adult. There is something very personal and intimate about reading to an adult I think. Anyhow, I read her “Long Walk To Forever”. Turns out, it was actually very hard to do. I can absolutely read to myself, without allowing too much emotional attachment to the story, but to read aloud, and say the words out loud; that is almost an impossible feat. There are times in our lives where we try to talk, and we know exactly what we need or want to say. Then, there is a moment, a small moment, when the words get caught in your throat. You just can’t say the words out loud, because maybe you don’t want to hear them out loud. You choke on them. I felt that moment when I read this to her. If I ever knew what it was like to be mute, then that kind of happened, on page 55. So if you have the book, you can read it. If not, then you should most certainly go buy it.

​My goodness, this blog post has turned into a “two pager”. It has been a strange week, and a difficult week. It’s odd that I have a hard time talking to people in the flesh, but I can say what I want here and just not give a damn. Maybe it’s a lack of the visual, unlike that of talking person to person. You don’t feel as self conscious or judged when you can’t see the other persons reaction. Maybe that’s why I listen and don’t talk a lot of the time to friends, so I don’t have to see their reaction when I do talk. Yep that’s it.

​This is getting too lengthy. I only go on and on here, simply because this is one of those small tasks that makes me happy. I think who we are, must also define what makes us happy, and vice versa. I am me, and happy, when I am at home at night; that time right before sleep comes. The time after dinner has been cooked, the dishes are put away, and the kids have gone to bed. I usually sit here with my book in my lap and my computer at my side. Most nights I spend reading, especially since I have been in this Kurt Vonnegut phase of my life. But, a lot of the times, I will work. This also makes me happy, because I feel like I am me when I am working. I need to work on that though…so I don’t get burn out. I’ve been doing this for years though, it’s just another vice of mine.

I'm going to share this doodle because I feel like it's an easy flow chart to follow. I am still searching and doing something.

​I plan to spend the rest of this weekend wrapped up in “Turtles All The Way Down”.  I do something terrible when I start a book, that to most readers is atrocious.  I always read the last page first.  I think the end never reveals too much about the beginning, but the end is almost always a beautiful way to start anything. That was a beautiful assertion huh? When I finish this one, I will tackle the rest of this to-read pile from the top down.
​Last Page First