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10/16/2018 This Box

“I may never achieve the things in this life that others expect of me. I may always be blemished in body. I may never have the intelligence of my peers. And I may never have the opportunity to complete the things that remain on my list to accomplish. However, I have achieved the ability to appreciate the beauty that was created for me in the mountains and trees, the oceans and rivers and the moon and the stars.” - SJ Weaver

Sheila wrote that, not me, but she did write it for me or with me in mind. I love her so much. Did I mention her book is in the end stages? I know I have before, but I want everyone to be ready to buy/read this when it comes out. We are doing one final grammatical edit before sending out to publishers. It feels more real as each day passes. I am so happy for her and the fact that she can get all that stuff out of her head.

I have been writing a book for 6 years now, and still cannot get it all out. I start and stop, and toss the whole damn thing at least twice a year. Sometimes I think I find the inspiration to write, then it becomes a fleeting moment and I get busy with other things, like poetry, or drawing, or laying in the grass on a clear night.

All I want to do anymore is read, work, or listen to music. I have been hiking more though, in the evenings. I enjoy being outside at night, under the moon and stars. Sometimes I think I don’t belong here, on earth. When you get lost looking at the sky, and feel like home is there, and not here; that’s how I feel. I think sometimes I could walk away from my life and start over again someplace else, doing something simple, living more simply. I mean, how wonderful would it be to just have to be responsible for just yourself, and your own happiness? I think a lot of people are afraid to want that, but not me. I think a lot of people are afraid to want anything more than what is inside their little box. I hate this damn box, and I want out of it.

On a book note, I read Deb Harkness’ Time’s Convert this week and I am reading Bright’s Passage now. I will finish it tonight and finish reading Norse Mythology too. I have The Martian to read after that, then I am taking a book break. I have these two classes that I have been taking online, and I am getting close to finishing them both. Once I get them done, I don’t know what I will do. I wonder when this yearning to learn everything will stop, and I will just become some robot that watches SVU and eats cereal all the time? Maybe I don’t want that. Maybe I don’t know what I want anymore. Maybe it doesn’t matter.

I don't have any poetry to offer today. So, here’s a dreamy picture I took last month. It has been raining and cloudy here all week, so I don’t have much.

Later guys.

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